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This years goal is to get to my ideal weight, then I’ll be happy…. 

I’ve got this timehop app that shows me all my past posts from up to 9 years ago on this day on Facebook and Instagram. Every day I cringe at old posts where a berate myself about my weight and obsess over my diet. There’s always a count down to a date I need to be slim for… my birthday, my wedding anniversary, or some other big event. Only then, when I’ve lost all the weight, will I be truely happy and confident. And low and behold if I don’t quite get to that all amazing goal, I don’t feel great, and what’s the point in life on this planet?! 

I used to get on the scales every damn day. Each morning, it was my little ritual. Get on the scales to see whether today was going to be an amazing day ‘yay! I’ve lost 1lb!’ Or the most crappiest of crap days ever ‘ugh!! I’ve gained 0.5-1lb’. My mood would just completely change. I’d feel like there was no point to anything any more, as I’d worked so hard. 

I’ve always got stuck in with mega training, from 5k’s to an ultra, then lifting weights and trying out martial arts. I just love exercising. But my diet has always been up and down. I’ve yo-yoed from a uk size 10 to a uk size 24 over my adult years. As I see-sawed from eating very healthily to having no self control whatsoever. 

In the last year or so I gained some control with the help of a personal trainer and a controlled diet, and lost weight for my birthday. I thought by losing all this weight I’d ultimately be happy and have an amazing birthday day/week, but it turns out being slim isn’t actually all it’s cracked up to be if you don’t have good mental health. It’s like saying exercise is better than actual therapy. Well, to a certain degree, yes, you can work certain things out in your head during a long run or leg day session. But actually, unless you are medical trained, you cannot begin to understand what you need to do next to help yourself out of, say…. a deep depression, or anxiety or agragfobia, for example. 

I know as former big person, I’d look at skinny people and think ‘it’s all right for you, you’re slim so you must be ok’, but were they? Maybe not! Yes, they can fit into a size 6-8 dress, but I had no idea what stresses were going on in their lives. 

Every year I’d write a list of goals for the new year. 

  1. 1. Get under 50 mins for a 10k 
  2. Lose 14lb by my birthday
  3. Eat really healthy all the time

They were all weight and body related! Nothing about mental health and happiness! Yes, it’s important to be a healthyweight and eat right, not only for your joints, but also for your heart and for everything to work correctly inside your body. But what about FEELING happy? I think I’ve cried most birthdays for the last decade, and spent more than enough time having panic attacks, anxiety issues and even trouble just leaving the house. Why are those feelings skated over when trying to write a list of things to make your life better? 
So this year, I decided that my goal was take a step back. And look at what I was doing on a day to day basis that made me unhappy or made my anxiety levels heighten. And the first one on the list was my weight. So the scales have been put away. And at least this months goal, is to eat healthily, workout right and don’t even touch the scales. And rather than stress that my medium tops are getting tighter since gaining weight over Christmas, I’ve just bought a size larger, which fit great!! 

Yes, I’m the face of a fitness business, so looking in shape and slim is important. This is a risky move on my part. But also looking and feeling good are important too. And I want to work on feeling strong and happy now, more than looking slim but feeling a wreak. Life is so precious. Who wants to look back thinking ‘wow, I looked great, but I wasted so much time being miserable’ . Not I…. 

You can rest when you’re dead….. 

There are 50 million memes about rest. Mostly about hating rest days and ‘what’s rest and how can you train it?!’. I’ve got to be honest, I’m not very good at it. I like to workout, I like being active. I pack my life full of busy things I MUST do. Work, college, kids, husband, workouts, cleaning, cooking and an endless addiction to social media. There’s no off button. And when I do have a free day or week, I panic it must be filled with ‘fun’ things for my family to do together. The only way to rest, it seems, is to be ill… which I have been now for 8 weeks. 

After a year of cramming everything in, from weekend long far away college courses (that I had to spend months prepping for and then would do a 200 round trip for two days over a weekend to do practical work and exams), to a new self employed business (which is incredibly exciting, but also exhausting and the biggest learning curve), becoming vegan (and the mamouth change that has been, mostly watching my waist line expand again…. ) and actually trying to have more quality time with my family by booking 4 mini holidays with my family over the year (which were amazing and exhausting all at once). It was quite a year in 2016. But I realise now I’d not planned actual REST into that year, and if you don’t take time to rest, you’re body will enforce it onto you….. so I planned to take Christmas off, after a very stressful half term of work and exams, then changed my mind last minute and took on work…. and booked a mini family holiday to somewhere busy and hectic……. so my body rebelled and I’ve been ill ever since. All over Christmas, during our family break and all through the new year I’ve suffered from ear ache, blocked nose, an achy exhausted body among many other things. Usually trying to recover during the day or on weekends so I’m well enough to get through my energetic evening work, before I become ill again come Friday evening. 

Anyway, half term is coming up next week… and after promising myself I wouldn’t work.. a few clients have started inquiring about 1:1 sessions over the holidays….. I started mentally booking people in to my diary this last week, until the ear ache and sore throat made a return Friday night and enforced rest again. Needless to say, this months life lesson is: 


So I’ve mentally unbooked everyone. I’ve put messages up about being closed over half term, and asked everyone to only message my business page about work related issues. Because if I don’t, I fear 2017 will be the year of enforced rest, and I had more exciting plans than that……